Light and Dark

The last 2 and a half weeks have been such a crazy swirl of so much turmoil that, as my Mum said a day ago, this piece of time, between then and now is a blob. It’s been a blur, but also seemed like time has stood still, yet somehow we are now 2 and a half weeks after the event that has thrown our lives completely upside down.

A lot has happened in the past 3 days, I won’t go into the nitty gritty of it, but among the expanses of blackness, there have been a couple of small rays of light in the past 36 to 48 hours. We have a small piece of hope, and any hope is significant. Our future is at the whim of other people, we are in limbo, we can’t plan the future, we are in a place where everything could change with a phone call. It’s completely crazy. Unless you have experienced it, don’t even think you can imagine it. I wouldn’t have been able to imagine it until experiencing it. And I’m an artist and musician/writer, so I have a pretty good imagination.

My blow up at Dad a few days back has actually had a positive effect. He has stopped being a complete arsehole to all of us. Mum took me aside yesterday, and said that it seems he needed it, a good yelling at, telling him how he treats everyone without glossing it over. She was glad I had done it, because although life is completely complicated and stressful right now, having stopped all the bullshit nastiness spouting from my fathers mouth constantly, has made things just a little bit easier.

Tomorrow, I go to my doctor, my doctor of the past 5 years, who thought we’d said goodbye just 3 weeks ago. This is how crazy life is. I have been having a lot of stress related health problems since this all hit the fan, stomach cramps, chest pains, dizziness, blurred vision, weight loss (I need to loose weight, but not like this), nausea, and the effect it’s had on the fibromyalgia, which some of the listed symptoms are related, plus IBS, huge problems with memory and focus of thought, and a problem I have only encountered once or twice before with Fibro, but is coming every day now, stuttering and stammering. Oh, should I also mention the anxiety/panic attacks, mostly happening during the night, I wake up suddenly with a full on panic attack. I have a lot to discuss with my doctor. I am hoping he may be able to give me Valium, it’s something that has worked before when I have had enormous stress, and I am a strong believer in when you find something that works, use it.

Next week, Mum, Jack and I will be heading away for a few days, to visit family. We need a break, especially away from here. A place that once felt like a home has become a place that is ruined, with nothing that is making us feel any affinity with the place anymore. If I never come back here, once this mess is over and we move away, I won’t miss it.




OMG ! Devastated…….

I was going to write tonight about how we had 2 more days left until the big move, how our furniture was finally on it’s way to the new house, all that exciting stuff. Unfortunately, it’s not to be.

This afternoon, we learnt the buyer wants to pull out. 2 days from settlement. The shit has hit the fan. Legally, as far as the contract reads, and all indications on the law websites for this state, they can’t, but if they don’t pay the money, we have to fight them. We will be.

Right now, my latter 60’s father, my nearly 60 mother and myself are all not well. We are gobsmacked. We were due to get in our cars and head to the new place on Thursday. We are packed. Our furniture is packed. We’ve been sleeping in camp beds for a week. Luckily, we found out half an hour before the shipping container full of our stuff was picked up and transported to our new place. We had to cancel that. Also, as a result, the new house is now not happening, luckily the sale for it was contingent on settlement of this place, so no penalties will be against us there. Thank fuck for that. These people are scumbags.

So tomorrow, my son is off school, and we are off to see lawyers, seeing our current one is part of the problem. We have discovered that the buyer, real estate agent, and the solicitor who is supposed to be representing us are all mates. We are going to go after the lot of them, as they have failed in even the most basic of obligations, which we have only been made aware of today. Apparently the buyer hasn’t even paid the deposit to the real estate agent, as we were led to believe had happened already. They were meant to pay that the day they signed the contract, according to the contract.

I think we are all still shell shocked. My fibromyalgia is now off the Richter Scale, all in the space of a few hours. I feel like throwing up. Dad went to bed early for him, he is not looking good. Mum looks like I feel, and we are still up, because, you know, we both have fibromyalgia and we are both getting hit now. I just feel in a daze. I know that when I wake up in the morning it will still be the same, I know it’s not a bad dream, although I wish it was.

The already fractured household is not going to be any better because of this, it’s probably going to be even worse, and seeing how bad it’s been this week, before this happened, I am dreading it.

I have to try and get some sleep. Somehow. I’ve been up since 5am, it’s now 10pm. I’ve been cleaning the house ready to move out, crawling into cupboards, wiping them all out, I mean, we are meant to be leaving in 2 days time. I have no words left. I still can’t believe it has happened.