We have finally moved !!!!

It is a warm, balmy night as I write this from the tropical north of Queensland !! We have now been living in Gordonvale, just south of Cairns, for just over a week. I am loving it here !!!

Finally, we don’t have to worry about running into Jack’s deranged mother when we go down the street, which is still sinking in for me, as are the realities that we are now living in such a magnificent part of Australia. Jack was conceived only 40 minutes down the road from where we now live, we passed through there last Tuesday, just before we set eyes on our new home, which, is just fantastic.

Dad has his own little granny flat, which since about 2pm today, is all renovated to the point of satisfaction, I helped him fit his new shower curtain rail and put up the last of his curtain rods. The electricians were in there yesterday, as the oven and stove weren’t wired, and a light needed to be shifted, the bill hasn’t come yet for that, so that should be fun to see !!!

We’ve replaced door locks, hung curtains, fitted doors to the linen closet, acquired furniture, some of which was flat pack stuff, which took hours to assemble due to the quantity we bought, unpacked a tonne of boxes, flattened the boxes and taken them to the recycling centre, done about half a dozen trips to Bunnings for supplies to renovate, and it’s just been go, go, go. At 6am tomorrow, the solar panel installers are coming to start that off, we will have the last of our things from the last house delivered on Friday, as they were delayed by the fires and heat wave Queensland has been experiencing, on Tuesday next week we have air-conditioning being fitted to 3 bedrooms along with Window Tint on all the front windows, and then on Wednesday, the built in wardrobes will arrive and be installed in both Jack and my rooms.

It feels like we are getting back to some semblance of normality, although there is a heap more to do, both Mum and myself have done the bulk of what has been needed to be done, and hopefully by the end of next week, we will have most of the urgent tasks done. We are taking a day off on Saturday to go up the Atherton Tablelands to go to some markets, and to just have a break from it all.

The fibromyalgia has been a bit crazy, it’s been kicking in with pain for weeks, and the last few days both Mum and myself have been battling a huge amount of fatigue. We are pushing ourselves beyond our limits to get things sorted out, so we can just fall in a heap as soon as possible once it is all done.

I finally got out and mowed the grass today, this place has been neglected both inside and out for a long time, luckily it’s dry right now, so everything is not growing, but it still needed a tidy. We have 2 compost bins, both have a lot of grass clippings in them after today’s effort, but they should start to rot down pretty quickly in this climate. There is also a lot of other junk that needs to be sorted out, like a pile of rotten timber, steel stakes and bricks that need sorting through to see what is of use and what needs to go to the dump. Down beside the shed are some dilapidated shade cloth screens that have usable stuff in them, but are no longer good for their original purpose, so when I get a chance, I will go out, pull them apart, and reuse what can be reused. There is also an old chicken run and coop, which need to be pulled down, the fence will be reused for another project, the coop itself has a concrete floor, and the roof needs repair, but we are thinking of using it as an undercover storage space once it is repaired.

So as you can see, there is a lot to do, but we are getting it done. Jack won’t be back to school this year, there is only just over 2 weeks of the school year left, so we will enroll him for next year, and he gets an extended Christmas break. He will be repeating grade 2 next year anyhow, as his literacy isn’t up to scratch, which is letting him down when it is required in other learning areas. He seems to be relishing the nice warm climate, and is really enjoying himself. Because we are so busy, he is not getting as much attention from us as we would like, but he understands, and when he sees things getting better in the house every day, he knows that it won’t be long before we will be able to give him as much attention as he desires.

It’s very pleasant with the new living arrangements, Jack, Mum and myself having our own lives in the big house, and Dad doing his own thing in his own space. The house is so much more settled without the constant bickering and rude behaviour from him. It’s like we are all free.

Anyhow, I am rambling away, there is so much to tell, but for now, I must retire to my bed, I am barely awake, and it is now nearly 10pm, with 6am not too far away. Goodight all.

 

Advertisements

One day at a time

It’s been a crazy ride the past couple of weeks. I have had a very bad flare up of Fibromyalgia, the pain has been unbearable at times, but somehow I have persisted without going to the doctor and begging for some heavier painkillers again. I am getting just enough sleep not to be going crazy, but sleep is not restful. I resist going to sleep during the day, but I have collapsed into bed during the day a few times in the last week.

Aside from that, our house is very definitely sold now, and we will be moving in the next week or 2. The actual date for settlement is not confirmed, but should be tomorrow. It was initially supposed to be the 12th of November, but then was extended to the 19th, as the bank was dithering about giving the buyers finance, but now it’s been approved, the sale is pretty much guaranteed, and the buyers are keen to get in here, as much as we are to get out. So tomorrow, they finalise the paperwork, and hopefully it is sooner rather than later that we settle and we get out of here.

We have now got removalists coming to take our belongings to the new place, as we unpacked the shipping container and sold it weeks ago, it will cost slightly more, but at least we won’t have to load and unload it all, it’s already packed, so we will just have to unpack at the other end after they bring all the stuff inside for us.

In the past few days, I have managed to change all the wheel studs on the trailer I will be towing with some of our stuff up to the new place. It is over 3000km, so I wanted to make sure I did all I could  before we left to reduce any possible issues. I also greased and tightened the wheel bearings, replaced the front bolts on the suspension, and greased up the slippers. The trailer is all in tip top condition now.

I also thoroughly cleaned the inside of the car, it took all day, I blew out every nook and cranny with the air compressor and vacuumed it to within an inch of it’s life, I even lay on my back and cleaned the hood lining. It is like new again inside. Even my seat belts run freely back into the spool now after I cleaned the gunk off the runners on the pillar of the car. In the next few days, I will get the oil changed and do a check over of everything under the bonnet.

Today was spent giving the verandahs and decks around the house one last oil. They are gleaming, and when the new folks move in, it will make it just that much nicer now they are done.

Tomorrow is another day, I will probably try and get some rest, but also plan on consolidating everything in the room, trying to get it all ready to pack into the car and the removalists truck. It’s pretty sparse, so shouldn’t be too much work.

Anyhow, there is lots going on, lots to do, and to be frank, my mind is a little overloaded, so I have a list, and am working through it as I can, as if I didn’t do that, I just would be able to cope.

I should be off to bed, it’s nearly dark now, and I really am tired.

Goodnight.

Andy.

Feeling generally more positive, the first time in a while.

A second post in as many days !! It’s a drizzly day, and warm, which is highly unusual in this neck of the woods at this time the year. I have done the morning school run, then taken the recycling to the recycling centre, done a bit of top up shopping, done a run through the Op Shops, got medicine from the chemist, and have now come back home to be home alone, not a usual situation to be in, but I’ll take it !!

I don’t have a tonne of stuff on the cards today, it’s still the half world of being ready to move, but not able to yet, but it is looking more and more certain as the days go by this time around. We will be permanently living in the Tropics by Christmas, I am sure of it.

Jack has been the most amazing kid the past few weeks, he has, without being asked, been straightening out the bed each morning, has been making a pretty good effort to keep things tidy, and even put his washing in the washing basket, instead of in the bed, on the floor, in the lounge room, etc……. We are sharing my bed, a double, seeing as we had sold our old double/single bunk bed before the last sale of the house fell through 2 days before we were supposed to be leaving. Anyhow, I will be looking forward to having it all to myself again when we arrive at the final destination, but for now, we have to do what we have to do. It’s amazing, I knew he moved around a lot in bed already, but he must be at a rave party in his dreams, because he has arms and legs flying everywhere !!!

I think, seeing that the house is so quiet right now, that I might try and have a nap, I am so worn out from all the stress and worry and uncertainty of the past  couple of months, and will need to start focusing on getting both mentally and physically prepared and rested for the big drive when it comes, which at this stage is likely about 4 weeks from today. We have to do over 3000km to get to the new place (3329km to be precise according to Google maps !!) which will be about 5 days driving, and seeing a 350km drive takes it out of me at the moment, then I really need to get ready for that one !!!

In Limbo and Still in Shock.

Tomorrow, well the end of tomorrow, was the day we were supposed to be arriving at our new house. By now, we should have been on the road for the past 4 days. Every time I write, or talk to anyone, about this, I find myself slipping into a bewildered mindset. You know it’s happened, but still can’t believe it. You can’t believe there are people, evidently, in this world, who could be such huge pieces of shit, but you still, somehow, want to believe that there are still nice people out there.

I think I am at a point where I am the most confused I have ever been in my entire life. Funnily, I have learnt well how to deal with depression, and I am determined not to let that get the better of me. This feeling is not depression, it is just a pure lost and alone feeling. I am not depressed about feeling lost and alone. The lost and alone feeling is manifesting itself in confusion.

Right now, I am home alone, with Mum and Dad out trying to deal with one of the multitude of repercussions this situation has had. I had to do a lot last week, some things were immediately necessary, and on Friday I managed to have my head in an adequate place to deal with the last of the urgent things. I had changed my address with the college I have been studying through, and as I have just successfully completed that study, I was to be receiving my Qualifications in the mail. Well, now not knowing how long we are going to be here for still, I have had to change the address AGAIN, to my brother’s address, as he won’t be moving for a while. I also had to contact the ‘new’ school to let them know, as I had an appointment with them for next Monday.

Jack has not been doing well either. He wouldn’t admit it, but I can tell. He was eating like a horse before this all went to shit on Monday afternoon last week, then since, he has been right off his food. He even threw up after dinner a couple of days ago. The constant piggish behaviour of my father doesn’t help. He is acting like this is only happening to him, that none of us are affected by it, and he is continually being  rude and insulting pig to everyone. Even to the point, that he was starting to annoy our new legal counsel the other day. I wasn’t happy that I found myself suddenly thrust into the middle of my parents marriage breakdown on Jack’s birthday, I’ve already gone through this shit myself, but now, I find myself living with someone who is acting even worse than my ex.

So then, I also find myself in a situation where I don’t feel like I have a face to face person to talk to about all of this. Writing this blog helps a lot, but it’s only part of it. My Aunt and Brother both say the “if you need someone to talk to” bit, but then when you do, because they have no idea or experience of this sort of thing, they really don’t have a clue, and the suggestions they make prove it. You sort of get sick of idiotic, or what you view as idiotic, suggestions. I think if you want to offer advice to someone, you need to either know what you are talking about, or realistically put yourself in their shoes and be honest with yourself on how you would handle it before you even begin to just spout some inane, cliched advice.

“Of course I could do that if I had bucketloads of money, BUT I DON’T, and you know it, so why suggest it ????”.

“Of course I could do that, IF I WAS MADE OF STONE, but I am not a cold heartless bastard !!”

You get my drift here, don’t you ??

And don’t get me started on psychologists, because every single one of them I have dealt with have been crazier, and in more need of institutional help, than I. I guess they might help weak minded, easily manipulated people, but when you can see through their bullshit, and when you’ve tried their advice and it has failed spectacularly and only made the situation far worse than it was, you don’t have much faith left in them.

Anyhow, the next lot of crap I have to deal with in the fallout of this crazy episode in my life has landed on my lap as I have been typing, an email has arrived for one matter, and a text message has just arrived on another. I better deal with it.

Until next time…….

OMG ! Devastated…….

I was going to write tonight about how we had 2 more days left until the big move, how our furniture was finally on it’s way to the new house, all that exciting stuff. Unfortunately, it’s not to be.

This afternoon, we learnt the buyer wants to pull out. 2 days from settlement. The shit has hit the fan. Legally, as far as the contract reads, and all indications on the law websites for this state, they can’t, but if they don’t pay the money, we have to fight them. We will be.

Right now, my latter 60’s father, my nearly 60 mother and myself are all not well. We are gobsmacked. We were due to get in our cars and head to the new place on Thursday. We are packed. Our furniture is packed. We’ve been sleeping in camp beds for a week. Luckily, we found out half an hour before the shipping container full of our stuff was picked up and transported to our new place. We had to cancel that. Also, as a result, the new house is now not happening, luckily the sale for it was contingent on settlement of this place, so no penalties will be against us there. Thank fuck for that. These people are scumbags.

So tomorrow, my son is off school, and we are off to see lawyers, seeing our current one is part of the problem. We have discovered that the buyer, real estate agent, and the solicitor who is supposed to be representing us are all mates. We are going to go after the lot of them, as they have failed in even the most basic of obligations, which we have only been made aware of today. Apparently the buyer hasn’t even paid the deposit to the real estate agent, as we were led to believe had happened already. They were meant to pay that the day they signed the contract, according to the contract.

I think we are all still shell shocked. My fibromyalgia is now off the Richter Scale, all in the space of a few hours. I feel like throwing up. Dad went to bed early for him, he is not looking good. Mum looks like I feel, and we are still up, because, you know, we both have fibromyalgia and we are both getting hit now. I just feel in a daze. I know that when I wake up in the morning it will still be the same, I know it’s not a bad dream, although I wish it was.

The already fractured household is not going to be any better because of this, it’s probably going to be even worse, and seeing how bad it’s been this week, before this happened, I am dreading it.

I have to try and get some sleep. Somehow. I’ve been up since 5am, it’s now 10pm. I’ve been cleaning the house ready to move out, crawling into cupboards, wiping them all out, I mean, we are meant to be leaving in 2 days time. I have no words left. I still can’t believe it has happened.

3 weeks to go…..

So the move is definitely on, and we now have a house to move to.

Mum and Dad have found a place where Mum, Jack and myself can live together in the main house, and Dad has his own smaller self contained house on the same block. We move out of here on the 6th of September, and all going well, we move in to the new place on the 14th. It will take us 6 or 7 days to get there, it’s a cross country trip, so it all seems to be falling into place.

The past week Jack and I have been home alone, and between packing already sealed boxes of stuff of mum and dads, and getting my last couple of things into the shipping container, making sure we are both fed each day and doing the usual stuff, plus a few appointments thrown in the mix, and I feel completely wrecked. I can say with a high level of certainty that moving in with my folks was a good idea from the point of view of my fibromyalgia. This week has been tough doing it all on my own again.

I have sent emails to the new school Jack will be starting at for term 4, after the spring break, and had a meeting this afternoon with his current teacher, organising some work for him to do while we are on the road, so he doesn’t miss too much. Tomorrow I am off to my doctor, it may be the last visit before we leave, I am not sure, I will have to see how it all goes.

I’m feeling a few different emotions this week, mainly because I have had a lot of time to myself, I have a huge sense of relief, for a few reasons. Relief that I am going to be living so far away from my abuser that the likelihood of running into her when down the street is zero. Relief that we now have certainty with where we are going, a house to move to. I even know my new address !! I am also anxious about what the next few weeks will hold for us before we move, and then about getting all set up in the new place. And lastly, I am feeling edgy, I want to go now ! Waiting for the next 3 weeks to go by is killing me !!!

Weirdly enough, I don’t feel sad. With everything that has happened here, it is time to go. I will not miss this place. I certainly won’t miss the horrible weather or the ignorant, misinformed people of this area.

New beginnings. New Beginnings. It’s exciting.

Now the fun and games really begin.

The sale of the house is now a reality. The new buyers had until 5pm today to back out, and they haven’t. My folks have the flights, car and accommodation booked to go and find and buy our new place, and on Saturday, a peace will once again settle over the place for a week. The past 3 days have been HELL.

It sort of came to a head of sorts about an hour ago, my fathers incessant belittling of everyone final got the better of both Mum and myself, so we both told him so. He somehow can’t see how he treats everyone else, he has so normalised criticising and belittling everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, that he thinks he doesn’t do it. So calling someone stupid to their face, calling someone dumb, or a silly bitch or bastard, isn’t demeaning or belittling ? (Those examples are tame compared to what else he says.) He really has a fucked up perspective and view of what he is like.

Years ago, when we lived in another place far away from here, both he and I were active in the arts community, mostly not the same things, but anyone who has participated in a strong arts community knows there is a fair crossover of people between different disciplines in the arts, so we would frequently be involved with the same people. They quickly realised that the reason I distanced myself from him in these artistic pursuits was because he was very different to I. They put up with him. They actively encouraged me to participate.

He said on that infamous day in June this year that he feels like an outsider. Well, he is, because once people realise what an arsehole he is, they stay away. I have seen it my whole life. That Denis Leary song was about my dad, I swear.

I know I am laying into my father a lot, but he is doing nothing to endear himself to anyone, and in fact, I reckon he will probably end up being an even angrier old man, and he will be what he deserves, lonely too. The angry, lonely old man. It’s pretty piss poor of him that he has got to the point that even his own grandson is scared of him.

We had another little revolt against him yesterday, Mum and me. He had said a few days ago that we wouldn’t be seeing my brother and aunt, Mum’s sister, before we left. Well, he got what for about that last night. My Aunt was so upset when she found out he had said this, she is in her 70’s, that she was saying to Mum that the next time Mum might see her is at my Aunts funeral. My Aunt can’t travel anymore, it’s just too much for her, and because dad will be leaving mum in one of those unenviable positions that a lot of older women find themselves in, she won’t have a huge amount of disposable income to travel either.

As I sit here, in our bedroom with the door closed, he is still carrying on, about something else now. It almost sounds as though he’s playing the victim. He likes dishing it out, but can’t take even of a millionth of what he dishes out himself. I am really over it. I really hope the preferred house we are looking at is available and nothing wrong with it when they look at it on Monday, as he will have his own building, totally away from our house. He won’t even have a key to Mum, Jack and my place, Mum doesn’t want him to, and I’m in total agreeance.

Anyhow, I need sleep, if I can get to sleep over the arguing, it will be good.

Andy.