Sometimes, well, most of the time recently, it’s been something to celebrate, getting through another week. The incredible pain and fatigue have just been constant for what seems an eternity, and I wake up most mornings not knowing how I will get through. I always do, but each day for weeks has been an absolute struggle. I actually amaze myself, knowing that every morning I feel destroyed even before I get out of bed, I go through the day, do everything that is necessary, sometimes a little more, and come out the other end, to do it all the next day. The mind is a powerful thing, you can use it to get through even when things are real bad.
Yesterday Dad decided, after Jack went to school, to have another tantrum, because, that is what it is, a three year old’s tantrum, which has since unsettled both myself and Mum again. He just gets pure enjoyment out of making every body else miserable. It’s got me to the point that any unexpected noise is making me jump out of my skin. It was unexpectedly bad this evening, when our rather loud and uncouth neighbours decided that dropping the ramp on their trailer onto the concrete made a huge, startling noise, and my heart was racing for an hour after. It’s the anxiety part that made that happen, I know what it is, but it still sneaks up. It always sneaks up when the stress caused by an abusive prick ramps up. Anyhow, enough said, he’s an arsehole, and it will never change. Probably why most of the extended family doesn’t like him either. He only has himself to blame by the way he treats people.
This weekend we are going to take it easy again, as Jack’s skin condition is still not right, so we are going to try and get on top of that, and both Mum and I are still exhausted from doing too much and fibromyalgia. At least I am not suffering all on my on at home. We will pop down to our local market, 5 minutes down the road, in the morning, but if anything else beyond that happens, then it will honestly be a miracle.
Talking about miracles, I actually won $21 on the lotto last night, which has been re-invested in next weeks big draw, as well as paying for lunch today, a lovely spicy chicken wrap with a beautiful coffee at a place called Reveille Coffee at Mt Sheridan. It is an absolutely amazing place to get a coffee and something to eat, the food is the best I have had at that sort of place for a very long time.
Anyhow, better sleep, as long as the pain lets me.