A nice day out.

Well, as I said in the last post, we went out for a drive up to The Grampians today, Jack, Mum and myself. and we’ve all returned feeling a lot fresher in the mind. We’ve escaped the dome we’ve become accustomed to, and just chilled out.

I drove most of the day, and even though it was pretty appalling weather conditions and my body doesn’t like long drives so much anymore, I love driving. I still have that same sense I had when I first was able to go out and drive by myself after getting my license. The really is nothing like getting out on the road and just driving through the countryside.

Up until the last 18 months, Jack and I had regular outings, going to The Grampians, over to Melbourne, out to local national parks, it was great. But as finances have tightened, it’s become something that doesn’t happen enough. Today, I realised that it’s just going to have to be something that I somehow make affordable, because the feeling of regaining my sanity it has given me is so worth every single cent.




You know that feeling that you get when you’ve just encountered a clusterf#ck of crap ? That’s where this title has emerged from. Yep, the past 2 days have been far from desirable.

So, here we are, cruising along, as far as the realestate agent is concerned, the house is sold, as far as he’s told us the buyer is a cash buyer, blah, blah, blah, and then when my folks went in to sign the contract……there’s a finance get out clause, which extends out to a ridiculous time meaning that if it stood, we would have 3 weeks to organise a new place to live, move out, get our stuff moved, and yeah, just crap. When they told the solicitor that that was not what they believed was what the deal was, he quickly removed the clause, but now, here we are, scratching our heads, not knowing if it was a stuff up by the solicitor or not. Anyhow, nobody has let us know if the contract is not signed, the real estate agent is silent, and we are stressing not knowing what we are meant to be doing. It’s absolutely crazy.

So now, we have 3 adults, including myself, losing sleep, stressed out to the max, because all OUR plans are on hold, until we know what these morons are doing. The past 4 weeks have been stressful enough, with constant viewings by people who don’t have the money, being strung out by the people who have decided to buy, and now this. In the meantime we have packed a whole heap of stuff, had a big garage sale today that was already advertised before this came up, and yeah…….just yeah. I am literally sitting here shaking my head as I still can’t believe this is happening.

Anyhow, needless to say, the two of in the house who suffer from fibromyalgia are now in a mess more than just stress, as the stress is setting off the fibromyalgia. If it is just a mistake by the solicitor, once the deal is done and finalised, I feel like giving him a piece of my mind for the unnecessary stress that has been created.

Anyhow, our garage sale was a success, I only had 1 item left out of my stuff, and most of the other stuff went too. Anyone want a cheap set of snow chains ???

I now have the funds to buy a new workshop trolley/tool chest next week, which will house all my tools. I have wanted one for ages, was scratching my head about how I was going to move my tools when we move, and what I would store them in when I got up the other end of the move, and so this seemed to be the most logical solution, all my tools will be packed in it, and then the whole thing is the storage and the box it will be moved in.

Another upside of the last few days, is the weather has been dry and warmish, unusually dry and warm for this time of the year, but I will take it, if it wasn’t for the stress, the weather would have been perfect for the fibromyalgia. Now the weather is rapidly deteriorating, and the fall in barometric pressure is very evident, every time we get a rapid rise or fall in the barometric pressure, it sets off a fibro flare. It’s supposed to be very wet, very cold and very windy for the next few days.

Tomorrow, I am going for a long drive up to the Grampians, just to get away from here for the day. I am sick and tired of being around moronic people in the community, and a marriage breakdown, I’ve already had a marriage breakdown of my own, I don’t really need to be in the middle of someone else’s, but seeing it’s my parents and we live with them, then I really can’t escape it.

I am looking forward to getting up there tomorrow, Jack and I haven’t been up there for ages, and Mum might come too, she is still deciding. It’s slated to actually snow up there tomorrow, so it might be nice to get some last snaps of the snow before we move to the tropics.

Must go, I am exhausted (Jack and I got up at 6am to see the Blood Moon this morning, now that was a sight !!), and need to just wind down, have dinner and a shower, and go to bed.


Wow, that was heavy !!

As you can tell from the last post, this blog isn’t just about me droning on about my ill health and struggling through every day. I have been writing blogs for a few years now, initially it was mainly to use as therapy, and it still is, I started my first blog, which is now de-activated, back in late 2013, about 5 months after I became a single parent. I still have all the content from that blog, and perhaps I will revisit it in the future. I may even share the odd tidbit here and there.

Today, I have been a little shitty. I didn’t start the day that way, in fact I had almost 9 and a half hours of continuous sleep, which is something that hasn’t happened for a long time, and rarely happens. I got up, the day was bleak outside, which probably didn’t set the right tone, but I got going, did all the usual stuff to get Jack ready for school, got off to school after putting my first load of washing on, and then got home, everything still pretty fine and dandy. However, come 9.30am, I realised that¬† I hadn’t taken any of my morning medications, oh well, not too late, took them, and then that was that.

At 10am, a call came through that the contract for the sale of the house was ready to be signed on Friday. Then, I had to go to town, I perused the secondhand shops and got some groceries, had lunch at the place my mum works, found out the building inspector was doing his inspection for the buyer this afternoon. After a totally piggish lunch, which consisted of Pepsi, fries and a burger that was delicious but way unhealthy, followed up with a mint choc thickshake (I was emotional eating, shit happens), I went to the appointment that had been the total reason I was in town. By this stage, I was feeling very tired.

So, after the appointment, I headed back home, passing Dad halfway home, he was heading into town. He flashed his lights for me to stop, so I pulled up and turned around and we spoke, it was about the building inspector coming, then I headed home, where I felt like collapsing on bed, but I had to pick up Jack still, and then I couldn’t sleep even after that, because some stranger was going to be wandering the house checking it all out and making sure it was okay. So, after picking up jack, we came home, Mum and Dad were back, Dad was being his usual piggish self, and I had enough. I was tired, I am still recovering from the ordeal of the five days of hell, and I just couldn’t deal with someone being nasty just for the sake of it. I had a few verbal swipes at him, something that I am not proud of, but have done so well not to under extreme pressure for weeks, and then just about everything was getting to me after that.

The inspector came, Dad did everything we had agreed NOT to do, but fortunately it didn’t affect the outcome, the bloke said everything is fine (as you would expect from a house that isn’t quite 8 years old), and would report to the buyer that he couldn’t see any problems. When I mentioned the things we weren’t going to do, one of them was that Dad wasn’t going to bore the poor bugger with his life story, I hate it when he does it, you can see the poor person squirming to try and get away, but there is nothing you can do until Dad is ready to stop. He is hopeless at reading body language. Well, the poor bloke got the life story, and Dad was oblivious to the fact that it was past dinner time and he’d agreed to make dinner. I gave up waiting and started cooking the vegetables, although my hands are so bad right now that peeling potatoes is like shoving my hands into a meat grinder. You can’t have dinner at 7pm when your school aged child needs to be in bed at 7pm.

You can guess, that now having had to start dinner off as well as being tired, sore and shitty already, I was just over everything. Up until I had my shower about 20 minutes ago, I was what Jack would call Grumpy Daddy, sort of like Grumpy Cat, just not so cute.

Anyhow, I better get myself off to bed, I was meant to be in bed an hour ago, but that’s life. I am still alive, somehow mostly keeping it together, and doing it a little easier than I was last week. It’s great being able function enough to actually do the simple things like eat, go to the toilet and the basics of looking after my son again.


Sorry Australia, but on the issue of refugees and immigrants, we’ve been as bad as Trump long before Trump was ever POTUS.

It’s a shame to say it, but everything I just said is true. Ever since the government of John Howard, we’ve had a policy to reject people fleeing wars we’ve been a part of in their home countries. Yes, okay, most of those wars were kicked off by the USA, but as we have in every war we have been involved in since WW2, we just blindly, and misguidedly follow the good ol’ USA in.

So, what do we do? Firstly, under John Howard, we started turning refugee boats around 100’s of miles from shore, making them go back to their point of departure. And just to rub salt into the wounds of those people fleeing wars we have been antagonists in, we use our Navy to turn them back at gunpoint. Oh so generous, Australia.

Then, when that doesn’t work (now we are told that we aren’t allowed to know how many still try, because those are “operational matters”), we indefinitely detain these people, who, by right of international law, actually haven’t committed any crime. For more than a decade, we have had people locked up on small, impoverished Pacific Ocean Islands, not allowing them to leave, not allowing them to move on with life, denying them basic health and accommodation needs, and to be honest, we are just acting like right royal bastards.

Now, let’s look back a few more years, prior to John Howard. Yes, no multicultural society is perfect, but geez, every multicultural society is rich. Rich in knowledge, diversity, and guess what, rich in a monetary sense too, because those who flee dire situations that are beyond their control, usually want to thank the new nation that gives them a safe haven by working damned hard.

Most of the Vietnamese boat people from the 1980’s now have established booming restaurants, market gardens, and enriched our cuisine by bringing foods and flavours to our tables that just didn’t exist in this country prior to their arrival. They didn’t steal someones job, they created businesses and their own jobs.

The huge influx of Italians, Greeks and British after WW2, people fleeing war zones, did exactly the same thing. There virtually wasn’t a green grocer in Australia during the 1980’s that wasn’t a Greek or an Italian, they were growing and selling what we ate. They didn’t steal anyone’s job, they created their own. The British as well as Italians, Greeks, Polish and other European refugees of WW2 built the Snowy Hydro Scheme, they didn’t take jobs away from us, they built our nation and made it possible to make the Riverina in NSW a fruit bowl of Australia.

Before that, Muslims from Afghanistan and other Middle Eastern Countries transported our goods, wool, wheat, and other wealth creating goods across the vastness of Australia’s interior on the backs of their camels. Life in Australia’s interior and north would have been impossible otherwise. They didn’t take anyone’s job, they created their own.

I guess now, you probably are seeing as pattern here. All those who have immigrated to this country in the past, and those who have been successful in recent years, have built our country. They don’t take anything from anyone, they give us more than we can imagine. And, unless you have Australian Aboriginal heritage in your genes, guess what, you are the result of immigrants fleeing oppressive and dire situations too.

So, before we get on our high and mighty horse, and go bashing what Trump is doing, realise he is only copying what we have been doing in Australia since the John Howard years. I despise what Trump is doing just as much as what my own country is doing. These policies are founded on nothing but fear and racism, and come on folks, this is the 21st century, not the Dark Ages, where knights in shining armour go looking for a magical cup, killing everyone who stands in their way, only to find out that the magical cup doesn’t exist and the story behind it is all a fairy tale. We are supposed to be smarter than this, we live in an age of technology where you can find the truth about anything you want using Google and a few hours, and a bit of critical, and logical thinking.

Just because someone has a different accent or even speaks a different language, just because they have a different skin tone, just because they might eat things you have never heard of, just because they believe in something different to you, doesn’t mean they are any less human than you. I would even go as far to say, that if you have any problem with any differences someone from somewhere else has compared to you, then you probably are less human. Humanity is everyone, not just white, not just black, everyone. We all love, we all hurt, we all get scared sometimes. We all need to eat and breath, there is nothing to justify any of us treating anyone else differently to what we would expect for ourselves. Although I am not a religious person, doesn’t the Bible express the idea to “do unto others that you want done to you”, or in other words, don’t do something to someone else that you wouldn’t want done to you ?

Look, I have read the Bible from front to back, I am not religious, and trust me, the Bible convinced me not to be, and I am yet to find the bits that say harming others is actually the right thing to do. Let’s stop being arseholes, and look after our brothers and sisters who, after all, just want to live, be happy, and get on with their lives peacefully, just like us.


I’m not a horrible person

I didn’t know exactly what to title this one, but it tacks on the end of something I am going to write about.

I have, for the past five days, been in hell. Yes, right there. The pain I have been in has been excruciating, having come off tramadol onto the amyltriptyline full time on it’s own. Those little blue pills do absolutely nothing on their own.

I rang my doctor this morning, hoping, that there might be the slimmest chance I could see him today, as the surgery is closed over the weekend and this was the first chance, other than going into emergency at hospital, to see a doctor. I needed to see him, as he is the one who knows what is going on anyhow, and these days, he is in demand, unlike when I first started seeing him, when he was the new Black African born doctor that all the inbreds around here, who are such racists, wouldn’t see. Now word is out that he is actually a bloody brilliant GP, they overlook their racism to a degree.

Anyhow, I rang as soon as the surgery opened, explained he was my regular doctor and that I was having a bad time with a recent medication change, and that I desperately needed to see him. They got me in, and at 3pm, I saw him, by 4.10pm I was home from town after waiting an eternity at the pharmacy, and I would reckon that at 4.11pm I had the packet of tramadol open and a pill popped out, a glass full of water, and downed both.

Within 20 minutes, the pain, which has been absolutely excruciating for days, stopping me from getting any useful sleep, causing me to have panic attacks, and a whole raft of other absolutely crazy bodily malfunctions, was evaporating away. No, I am never pain free, that is true, but from the absolute agony I was in, it was almost like I was in no pain. I am now incredibly tired, but for the first night in almost a week, I think I am probably going to sleep like a baby.

So, back to the start of this little post. You know the saying where you experience something really bad, and you say, “I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy”? Well, come on, yes you would. That is exactly what I felt this afternoon. As the pain started to recede, I was talking to my Mum, and started to say, ” I wouldn’t wish what I have been through for the past 5 days on my worst….” and then I stopped, and said, “actually, that is bullshit, I WOULD wish that on my worst enemy.” I actually think that saying, not wishing something bad on an enemy, is totally disingenuous. If you are going to even say it, then it means that you’ve thought that you might like it to happen to them, but then you realise you may be painted a horrible person for doing so.¬† But, and it does take a lot for me to even label a person an enemy, they’ve got to have really treated me like lower than dirt before they get there, I WOULD hope they would suffer like that.

Anyhow, here I am now, gradually feeling more normal again, my mind now piecing itself back together from being shattered into pieces by nights of no sleep and immense pain. I don’t know what the future holds in the way of treatments for this condition, but we have now ruled out yet another go to drug for it’s treatment. We know that I cannot take anti-inflammatory drugs due to the severe nausea they cause, so severe that even anti-emetics don’t work, and now we know that amyltriptyline on it’s own doesn’t work either. For now, I hope I can savour a little respite from this horrible experience for a few weeks before we experiment with anything else. And one thing is for sure, if I wasn’t taking anything at all, I probably would have done myself in by now.


It looks a lot like we may be moving…..

As I have told you before, Jack and I are currently living with my now separated parents, waiting for the house to sell. Well, it seems we may finally have a buyer. On Monday, we will know for sure, as my parents are deciding if they will accept the offer that has been made today. We have another interested party looking at the place tomorrow, but unless they make a higher offer by Monday, then it will be more than likely, in 4 to 6 weeks, we will finally be moving from this cold, wet, miserable place, to the tropics.

So this is why, right now, at 10pm, I am writing here instead of sleeping, like I should be. Ever since the phone call this afternoon, my stomach has been churning. I desperately want to move away from here, so the anticipation that it may be about to happen has been too much for my already tender stomach. I know that once the contract is signed, it is going to be organised, and maybe not so organised, chaos for the next month or so, luckily, seeing Jack and I only moved here about 7 months ago, the vast majority of our belongings are packed anyhow, they haven’t been unpacked since we moved. But it is the rest of the house, Mum and Dads stuff, the stuff they have been arguing over as they divide the assets. As much as I don’t want to be involved in all that, someone has to help them pack, they can argue about who is taking what, but I really don’t want, or need their crap. So as I said, it’s going to be a chaotic few weeks.

I spoke with Jack about it tonight before we went to bed. I showed him the area we are going, what’s around, and the new school he will likely be going to. I told him, that until we know for sure, which will be Monday hopefully, he mustn’t tell anyone, he got upset because he thought he wouldn’t be able to say goodbye to his friends, so I had to explain that even though we will know when we will be moving on Monday, it will be at least 4weeks before we move, so he will have plenty of time to say goodbye. He made new friends here very quickly in the 7 months we have been here, so I am sure it won’t take him long to settle again into new friendships at the new place. This next move, I really hope, is the last one now until he finishes school in grade 12.

Anyhow, I will now try once again to go to sleep, my first attemt before giving up was for 2 hours, just tossing and turning in bed, so I hope now, I will go to sleep without too much hassle.



Far from perfect, but not boring

Well, that’s life, never perfect, but I will tell you, it never seems boring around here lately.

We’ve had 2 potential buyers for the property have a look this week, both have been very keen, and today’s apparently has the money, according to the real estate agent. It’s been a busy week, I have felt like crap for well over a week, and just when I thought I’d get a chance for a rest, we get a phone call for the first looker on Monday morning. 15 minutes later, the real estate agent calls for another, so 2 in a week, no rest, and lot’s and lot’s of cleaning and trying to keep it that way. Fingers, toes, and everything crossed, one of these 2 buy and let us know before the week is out.

We are halfway through winter, 6 weeks too long for us. We are going to be moving to a much warmer climate when the house sells, we even have the house chosen, but can’t buy it until this one is sold. We would be only 200 metres from a school, which is better than 5 kilometres, which is basically what it is right now.

The school holidays haven’t been so much fun for Jack this week, given we’ve been cleaning, and he hasn’t been able to do anything which would make a mess, which for a kid, is anything they want to do. He’s been really good, and this afternoon he has played with his Lego for the first time in about 4 days. I think he was quite happy to finally get a toy out and play.

The weather has been appalling, wet, freezing cold, and windy, I spent a bit of time outside in it over the weekend, as we moved some stuff we have had in storage in town, 20km away, up to the property, as we now own a 20ft shipping container, the vessel that will take all our worldly possessions to the new place. I am starting to feel the effects of having spent too much time out in the weather, I have a slight sore throat, and this afternoon, the fatigue came over even more strongly than normal. I hope I am wrong, but I think I may be facing my first cold for the year. When it’s all said and done though, last year I reckon I had had a cold or flu about 3 times by the same time in the year. The year before, we were sick again as soon as we got over the previous one.

Today, after getting the house ready for the inspection, we headed down to town while the people had a look at the place, had lunch at Subway, did a little shopping, and then came home and have done not much else since. Dad managed to sell the overly big leather lounge today, so we assembled the 2 armchairs that we got to replace it with, there was no point putting them together until the couch was gone, as there would have been no room. Now the lounge room looks huge. At least now, as much as I love cuddling my son, I won’t have a small person draped all over me every time I want to sit down and relax. One of the things about fibromyalgia, which is a curse, is sometimes even just someone touching you leaves you in agony.

I am very much hoping that one of these 2 people buy the place, and soon, because another effect that sensitive to the touch stuff does is that it makes wearing long trousers painful, which is a tad inconvenient when it is freezing cold and you can’t not wear long trousers. Bring on a warm climate where shorts are all that you need to wear.

I am under no illusions that there won’t be an adjustment period when we finally move back to warmer climes. I lived most of my life in the tropics before coming to live in this freezing hell hole, but after 8 years living in the cold, I am sure the first summer up north will be a shock to the system.

Anyhow, time for me to go, I must sleep, and everyone else, apart from Jack, is asleep now, so I guess we better get there too. Goodnight.